Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Amazing Writing
In Room 18 this term we have learnt about character descriptions. We know that it is very important that our audience is able to see the story in their mind.
We used an exemplar for Level 4 called 'A Kid Called John' - you can view the sample used as a model here.
Not all children are publishing their work, but all stories are a great example of using explicit description of a characters physical appearance and personality traits.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
MY BAD LITTLE BROTHER
My little brother Steve is a little demon. He always kicks and screams, his chocolate brown eyes dripping with tears. Whatever he does wrong, I get the blame.
His evil toothless grin gets all the people smiling at his pathetic chubby face. Whenever I touch his toys or blocks he shrieks and yells “She’s touching my toys!’ he cries and I get in big trouble.
His brown greasy hair sticks to his head like a mop in the sticky hot sun.
He has ruined 3 of my birthday parties, all on purpose but he just says, “I'm sorry.’ That's his main excuse.
I've told him many times to be on his best behavior but he just smirks and waddles away, planning his next evil plan for getting attention.
He is the rascal of his kindergarten, always ready to flick paint at an infant or squirt sandy water at a girl.
Although he’s the naughtiest most selfish brother ever, he’s still my brother and I care for him and his health. I would stick up for him if he was being bullied, because sometimes he fun to be around, and can be very cute with a cheeky, caring attitude.
I’ll always be there for him.
My bad little brother Charlie is a little creep! He punches and kicks, like he cant help it at all.
He has sea blue eyes and fudge blond hair, and he wears baggy clothes that don't really fit him. He said they feel nicer than normal fitting clothes.
Did you know my birthday was last week and we had pavlova? While we were outside he stuffed his tummy with the pav and when we came to eat it he just stared at us, with his beady blue eyes.
Even though he’s a monster I still love him some where inside my big heart and I know he does too. Some day we will get along.
My little brother
My little brother Charlie. Do not say he is cute. Everyone thinks he is cute, but not me, his beady sea blue eyes staring straight through you leaving a burning in your soul. His shaggy blond hair being combed by fingers.
But then he’s the trouble maker, doing awful things too. His innocent face clearing the trouble so he can walk through. Pouncing on my shoulders making me let out a cry.
“Amelia you should ought to be ashamed of yourself Letting your brother do all those awful things. I shall wait for an apology.” Mum hisses spraying me with fear.
But do not judge all too bad. Like my sister Josey being the vain queen, brushing her golden locks, watching it bounce and dance. Oh, she adores her make up, even though it is banned. Lightly dabbing on her silky skin eyelids adding different colours to make them look just right.
My brother likes to play and muck around too. So I had a plan, an evil little plan.
So I dabbed at my brother with all different colours. I hid behind a curtain, hearing mums heels clipping the hallway floor. I heard the door creak open and her skirt sway into the room, the heels tapping on the zebra skinned carpet. She stopped and stared. I waited and waited then... the biggest scream of my life.
“Josey.” mum croaked. “Come in here right now.” Josey came in already shaking with fear. “Where have you come from!!!” Mum shrieked.
Josey bowed her head and apologized. Mother stood up and walked off.
Josey stared at me with furious eyes while I sneaked out a little giggle.
But really I think he is not all too bad, and in all, he is my brother and I love him.
By Amelia
A KID CALLED JOHN
When I was a boy I meet a kid called John. He wore a red Nike top and short raggedy shorts and he always wore a fake moustache.
He had blond flowy hair and pale blue eyes. He loves chocolate ice cream, so he is round and fat like a beach ball.
He acted like an adult and thought being a kid was boring.
One day he moved to America and got caught in a tornado and I haven't seen him since.
Coco I fixed a couple of things here. Remember to be a published piece you need to have it 100% ready. We really love this story. It was great to hear you share it at assembly
My bad little brother.
My bad little brother Ryan is a living time bomb. He would always cry if he loses and then start blaming it on me when I'm usually stuck watching.
He had bright blue eyes and sandy brown hair that would hiss at people who even thought of annoying him. He acted like he was the king, but of course hes not. Even if he was the king he would be the worst ever.
If you annoy him is foot will become as dangerous as poison. If I touch any tiny piece of his property, I'll end up sleeping on the couch.
He brags how hes really sporty, I want it to stop. Once I went to bed at 4PM because he just started bragging about how he scored 5 goals at soccer that day.
When ever something went wrong I got blamed on it. Last year when Natasha's light broke Ryan blamed me, but it wasn't me, it was the rascal of the house Ryan.
Still sometimes he tryed to be nice, but he was born for destruction. Once he tryed to bake a cake, but he made a big pile of burnt cake pieces. Ryan's always going to be my bother so I do care about him.
I really like Nina's and Bridgets writing because it really described how they felt about there little brother.
I think there emotions were very mixed because they hate him one second then love him the next.
Hi I like these character descriptions their really puting images in my head! :)
Post a Comment